Friday, March 29, 2013

Fifteen Days of Gratitude 15.12: A SMATTERING

No rest for the grateful. Just a shorter blog. I couldn't decide today! Could. Not. But there was this awareness that I only have 4 posts left. And 2 are spoken for. So I'm cheating.

Here are a few things which I am very, very grateful for, don't let the condensing that's about to happen convince you otherwise. You don't have to be grateful for them, or agree with them, but it's my list, now get off my lawn. :)

1) Color Easy to take for granted, since it's everywhere. "But all your wear is black, grey, and black!" Shut up, those are colors. I wore a pink top somewhere once and felt like a piñata; suddenly, everyone could see me. It was terrible, so I went home and changed. But as long as I don't have to wear it, I love it. Especially on trees in the spring and fall. And red is great everywhere.

2) Fall and Winter We don't get them in California, but I hear good things. I love them because I love pumpkins and I love scarves and I love coats and fires in fireplaces. I love the smell of burning wood, and I love the leaves on the ground. I love walking from the freezing cold into a warm room. I love drinking hot things, and I love having an excuse to be really grossly pale.
Here is a fall
Here is hell without chains

3) Rain I love overcast days when the sky is grey. I love lightning, and thunderstorms, and I love the way the airs smells afterward. I have lived in California most of my life, and I'm not supposed to say this, but I'm a little sick of the sun. I already invested in sunspots and premature aging; looking for those around 30.

4) Friends  You people deserve your own cell block. I mean blog. My friends are top notch. Créme de la créme a la Edgar. They make me laugh (I only have funny friends, remember!), they listen to me when I'm in the mood to "verbally process"
which is probably a real thrill, they humor my paranoia, and they forgive me when I do stupid crap. And I've done stupid crap. For one, I'm terrible at returning phone calls and text messages. The. Worst. On a fail scale from Charlie Weis to the Titanic, I'm off the charts. I'm Ted Kennedy. And I'm also a biter.

Now, this next part is going to appall some of you, but it'll seem like a no-brainer to the rest: if you're wondering where you stand with a friend... a surefire way to figure it out is to A) Read their diary in  a public forum, like an open mic nite, or B) set out for a fun night with your pals, go completely off the reservation, get irretrievably hammered and forget where your face is. The people who laugh at you the next day when you're looking around for your shoes and your dignity... those are your friends. Sure there are better ways to be a friend, and there are plenty of ways to show forgiveness. But people fail you in unexpected and surprising ways, so there are plenty of opportunities.

My point is, friends don't always agree with your behavior (it doesn't have to be inebriation. It can be backstabbing, getting stoned out of your gourd, borrowing clothes without asking, you know what makes you mad) and they certainly don't have to condone it, but they know and love the real, better you, and they will summon memories of that better you in the moment when they'd rather leave you in a pile on your porch. Hear me, babies, that's not license to be foolish! But if they gave out licenses to be human, you could get it here. And it would be unfair to my friends who've gone the distance if I didn't own up to these shortcomings. So if you're a close friend who was at my 21st, or at a gonzo bachelorette party, or maybe in Alex's parents backyard that one night after finals week... you have gone the distance. Possibly while carrying my purse and/or my person. Hi, mom!

5) Honesty: If you haven't noticed, I have a tendency to over-divulge in certain areas, and here's why: I once had an unforgettable conversation with the mother of a guy I was dating. We were talking about him... his job, his hair, his childhood, his cat allergies yada yada yada, and at some point midway through the conversation I realized that she had no idea what her son was actually like. It was like listening to Al Capone's mother explain that he spent all his time volunteering at the Marjoree Mason Center and coaching the Special Olympics. And it made me sad for her. Consequently, I tend to want to spare people disappointment and disillusionment later by trotting my big failures out for show and tell, right away: "That's a picture of my first boyfriend... heeeeere's me the day after my 21st birthday party... that's me in gaucho pants... Here's one from the night I called Jacques Chirac the UN Secretary General... Oh, here's every picture taken of me in eighth grade..."  (I often pretend to be worse than I am, just to weed out the iffy folks.) So for people who are honest even when it's uncomfortable... I'm grateful for you. Because it's cold out here, under the lights, with all your self showing.

1 comment:

Joel Glenny said...

I am so jealous that you "cheating," Is still so freaking good! That last part had me rolling BTW! Totally agree! Get comfortable with Jesus, or kick rocks!Oh dear, that sounds a little harsh!